M O D E O N E

E N T E R P R I S E S

 

THE "ARE YOU FUNCLUBBING?" TEST

 

What exactly is "FunClubbing?" Anytime you're interacting with a member of the opposite sex, and you're 'pretending' to have nothing more than a 'platonic' interest in them, when in actuality, you're suppressing some degree of romantic desire and/or sexual lust, this would be representative of "FunClubbing."

 

The term was borrowed from a friend and fraternity brother of mine when I was a Freshman attending Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana. Frustrated in response to feeling as though he was being treated by a female acquaintance as a "platonic boyfriend," he told me, "Never allow yourself to enter into a woman's 'Fun Club.' You will end up giving her the same amount of attention and companionship as a potential boyfriend, only you're not getting any sex!!:"

 

Men are primarily the 'guilty' ones when it comes to FunClubbing behavior, but women are occasionally guilty of this type of behavior just as well. There are many men and women who think they have good, solid, healthy "platonic" friendships with members of the opposite sex, but in reality, many of those so-called 'platonic' friends are FunClubbing with you.

 

What about you? Are you FunClubbing with a member of the opposite sex?? Not sure?? This lighthearted "test" will help you determine if you're guilty of this behavior, and just how guilty you are.

 

Instructions:

 

Answer the following eight (8) questions as HONESTLY as possible; This is the only way that you can accurately determine if you are "FunClubbing" with someone of the opposite sex, or if you're truly that person's good, PLATONIC friend:

 

1) How frequently do you entertain the thought of being physical and/or sexual with your current 'platonic' male or female 'friend'??

 

a) All of the time; can't stop thinking about it;

b) Probably at least 3-5 times per month;

c) Occasionally maybe three or four times per year at most;

d) Never. That's like thinking about being intimate with my brother or sister. Those thoughts would be almost incestuous.


 

2) When you haven't seen this friend in a while, and they hug you and/or kiss you on the cheek, it makes you feel . . .

 

a) very excited sometimes even sexually aroused;

b) very 'warm & fuzzy' inside;

c) just generally happy I enjoy it in a general way;

d) indifferent; it's like being hugged and kissed by my aunt or uncle, or brother or sister.

 

3) When you and your friend have detailed discussions about sex and physical romance, does it make you feel . . .

 

a) excited! my favorite sort of conversation with this person!

b) real close to this person. I feel like we are developing an emotional 'bond' of sorts;

c) very comfortable. I enjoy talking about dating & sex-related issues with this person

d) somewhat uncomfortable; As long as the conversation doesn't really get "X-rated," I'm cool. Otherwise, it makes me feel awkward.

 

4) If you and your 'platonic friend' were to hang out socially (e.g., at a nightclub, bar/restaurant, etc.), and you saw them flirting with a member of your gender, would it make you feel . . .

 

a) Very, very jealous & pissed off; I honestly wouldn't like it;

b) Somewhat uncomfortable; I would tend to be envious that I'm not receiving the same sort of 'flirtatious' attention;

c) a little bit 'strange,' but for the most part, I'm cool with it as long as it didn't last TOO long;

d) indifferent; Could care less; They could flirt with how many members of my gender as they wish.

 

5) If your 'platonic friend' asked you to introduce them to your 'good-looking' best friend, and you knew your 'platonic friend' had intentions of having casual sex with one of your best friends, would you feel . . .

 

a) pissed off?

b) jealous?

c) a wee bit awkward?

d) indifferent or enthusiastic?

 

6) If you invited your 'platonic friend' over to your place to watch a rented movie video with you, and they asked you could they bring their new 'love interest' with them, would this make you feel . . .

 

a) Very pissed off. I wouldn't let them come over;

b) Somewhat 'jealous.' I would expect it to be just my friend and myself;

c) A wee bit uncomfortable. I would've expected it to be just us two;

d) I wouldn't have that big of a problem with it. After all, we're just watching a movie.

 

7) Let's say you stayed the night over your platonic friend's place after a night of partying and getting drunk; You wake up early in the morning to use the bathroom, and as you pass their bedroom, you notice that their bedroom door is cracked open. You decide to get 'nosy' and look in, and you see your platonic friend watching a pornographic video tape while masturbating. Do you . . .

 

a) Watch for about 5 minutes, then immediately enter the room, and attempt to have oral sex and/or intercourse with my friend!!

b) Watch for about 15 minutes or longer, and then stand at the door and masturbate myself while watching them masturbate.

c) Watch for about 5 minutes out of curiosity, but then continue on my way to the bathroom, and back to bed.

d) Within 10-30 seconds after examining what's going on, I immediately walk away; That would be like watching my brother or sister masturbate. Ewwww!!

 

8) You find out that your platonic friend has just become engaged to be married. When he or she first tells you, you feel . . .

 

a) Absolutely sick. Not the news I wanted to hear at all;

b) Uncomfortable, and possibly envious/jealous of the person they're about to marry;

c) I'm generally happy for them, but I know it's going to change our interactions dramatically;

d) Excited!!! That is great news!!! I am totally happy for them, and I can't wait to attend the wedding!!

 

END OF TEST

 

Now, look at all of your HONEST responses. Use a different test for each 'platonic friend' you have that you suspect you may be FunClubbing with.

 

Give all "a" answers one (1) point;

Give all "b" answers three (3) points;

Give all "c" answers six (6) points;

Give all "d" answers eight (8) points;

 

Tally it up.

 

Are you guilty of FunClubbing with this particular male or female 'platonic' friend??

 

8 - 16 points: You are FunClubbing IN THE WORST WAY. You need to either a) tell this person STRAIGHT-UP that you have romantic and/or sexual feelings for them, and/or b) leave this person alone totally for an indefinite period of time.

 

17 - 36 points: You are FunClubbing. Plain and simple. You need to seriously re-evaluate why you are interacting with this person, and where this so-called "friendship" is headed. In the long-run, you're going to end up feeling hurt, angry, frustrated, and/or bitter. You need to be honest with yourself, and eventually, your 'friend.'

 

37 - 50 points: You are not FunClubbing BUT you might be on the verge of it sometime in the future. You need to really examine how you REALLY feel about this "platonic" friend of yours.

 

51 - 64 points: You are truly this person's "platonic" friend. You have nothing to worry about. You two will more-than-likely be good friends for a long, long time.

 

Hope you enjoyed this test, and I hope it prevents you from entering into the "FunClub" zone.

 

Alan Roger Currie

Author, "Mode One: Let The Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking"